Verses like the one this morning make me cringe. Actually, most verses out of James make me cringe because so much of what James writes about is what I struggle with. And this morning is one that truly throws me for a loop.
19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
As I was reading this today, I realized something I never saw before. I always considered these three instructions to be individual. As in, we need to make sure that we are good, attentive listeners. We need to make sure we don’t talk too much. We need to make sure we don’t lose our temper. But as I was reading this morning, I started to wonder if instead of individual commands they’re actually connected.
How many times have I sat and listened to someone speak without interrupting them to tell them that they’re wrong and getting angry about it?
Listening is a sign of respect. Listening demonstrates that you love someone else more than you love yourself, that you’re more concerned about what’s going on in their life than you are about what’s happening in yours. Listening is hard. But that’s probably becuase it’s a good thing to do.
So what do you do when you’re listening to someone and they say something wrong? Or they say something offensive? What do you do? Do you jump all over them? Do you interrupt them and tellt hem that they’re wrong?
If we think about these three commands as though they are all connected, what are they saying to do?
Be quick to listen. That means we need to be eager and excited to listen to someone else’s story. But once they get started, let them finish their thought without interrupting them. And then, don’t get angry at them for expressing beliefs or opinions that contradict your beliefs or opinions. Let them finish their thought. Let them have their say. And then — calmly and without anger — explain your position. Explain your beliefs. Explain your opinions. And explain why you feel that way.
I struggle with this enormously, especially if someone is telling me something I have already heard before. If somebody is repeating something I’ve already heard, I usually interrupt them and finish the thought for them. And, honestly, that’s just rude. I should care more about the people who are talking to me than I do about what they’re telling me. So what if I heard it before? I shouldn’t be in such a hurry that hearing it again bothers me.
I am always quick to listen, but I’m not always slow to speak. And that’s something I need to work on.
Ouch…this one hurts…
I totally agree and I have a question.. ok, so when I finish someone’s sentences I feel like I am showing them that I understand what they are telling me and that I am actively listening.. Does it not come across that way??? I am really curious about this, and I need to learn to stop doing that if it is being rude.. I don’t do it all the time, but now that you mention it I need to pay more attention to active listening instead of responding.