Friendships need more than common ground

How many friends do you have in your life? Some people have a lot of friends, and that’s great. Others have a small group of friends, and that’s equally great. But what happens with friendships over time?

Some friendships get stronger. Others drift apart. And it doesn’t mean there’s wrong done. It just means that people don’t always stay the same, friendships don’t always stay the same. Life has a tendency to change all of us.

In most cases, friends just don’t have anything in common anymore. Maybe you were inseparable in elementary school or high school, but you changed in college. Maybe you were the best of friends in college, but life in the workplace made you reprioritize.

But then, you have those special circumstances where you start out as friends and you remain friends for the rest of your life. I am so very blessed to say that I have a lot of friends. But not only do I have a lot of friends, I have a lot of friends who have been my friends for a very, very long time.

It’s those friendships I treasure so much, and what amazes me–leaves me speechless–is that I can spend years apart from those friends and when we meet up again, it’s like no time has passed. There’s no awkward silence. There’s no scrambling to keep conversation going. It feels just like coming home, like you are where you belong, like being reunited with your favorite family member.

How do you get that kind of friendship? How do we cultivate relationships like that? I’m certainly not an expert, but I have learned that there does seem to be one unifying factor in every friendship in my life that has lasted: Who is your friendship about?

Me and best buddy Katie in a telephone booth at Trafalgar Square, London, England, UK

Today’s verses are Colossians 3:16-17.

Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

If you build a friendship around things you like to do together or things you have in common, your friendship might last a while. It could last a long while. But what happens when you grow tired of doing those sorts of things? What happens when you’re no longer interested in the things you used to care about? What happens to your friendship then?

Friendships that last have to be built on something that doesn’t change. That’s what I’ve learned over the years. The friendships that have meant the most to me have been built on mutual love of Christ and a desire to do whatever He’s called us to do. No matter where. No matter when. No matter what.

Those friendships have changed my life. It’s those friendships that I can pick up en media res and just start talking like we’ve never been apart, even if we haven’t seen each other in three years. Because no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done or how long you’ve been apart, the thing that drew you together in the first place is still the same.

What’s God doing in your life? What did you see God do today? Or yesterday? Or the day before? What do you think He’s going to do tomorrow?

Those questions never get old. The conversations and the stories and the memories never wear out. Because when you’re talking about God, when you’re focusing on living life with Christ at the center, you never run out of stories.

What kind of friendships do you have in your life right now? What are they built on? Are they built on commonalities like what books you enjoy or what music you like listening to? Those friendships are nice. Are they built on the ages of your children? That’s nice too, especially in the difficult years of child rearing when you need someone who understands where you are.

But don’t think those friendships will last longer than your common interests. Your common interests will change, and if you don’t have something stronger to hold you together, you’ll eventually drift apart.

If you make Jesus the center of your life, the center of your family, the center of your friendships, you’ll have an anchor that never moves. And, let’s just face it, you’ll have so many adventures to talk about, you’ll never have to deal with awkward silence again.

Let God hear you sing

How busy are you this Christmas season? Parties to attend? Social gatherings to plan? Last-minute shopping to finish? Honestly, a lot of that is part of what I look forward to. It’s not every day that I get to bake for people and buy awesome and ridiculously funny things for people I love without having to justify myself.

But I’m one of those people who gets caught up in the celebration while sometimes forgetting the reason for it. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a perfectionist. Or if it’s because I get focused on a goal or a project. But it’s very easy for me to let go of the purpose behind what I’m doing and keep soldiering forward, even if I don’t remember why I started. Sometimes that’s beneficial, but other times it’s not such a good trait.

French horn ornament on my tree, Safe Haven Farm, Haven, KS

Today’s verses are Colossians 3:16-17.

Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

I’ve always read this verse like a benediction, like Paul was gracing his readers with the knowledge and/or ability to live by God’s Word. And maybe he was, but as I read this verse today, something stood out to me about it that I hadn’t seen before. Or maybe I just hadn’t thought about it before.

What does that word Let mean do you?

I did a brief bit of Googling to try to find the appropriate English translation, and I didn’t have much luck. And both my normal go-to translations (the Amplified and the Message) both use the exact same word. Let. So to the best of my ability I can assume it means to let, to allow, to make it happen.

Let God’s Word fill your life. You have to let it, because it won’t get there on its own. That’s the thing about following Christ; it’s not a passive activity. You don’t get wisdom from God through osmosis. You get it through growing closer to Him, through having a relationship with Him, and you can’t have a very good relationship if you’re not invested. And that takes time. Loads and loads of time.

I love Christmas songs, and I love to sing. But I don’t always think about what I’m singing. It’s traditional to sing Christmas songs at Christmas time, so I do. I don’t really question it. But when did I last really take time to sing? Honestly sing? Without pretense, without tradition or expectation. Just singing with a thankful heart, like the verse says.

I posted yesterday about how short life is, and that’s very true. But in our brief lives, some things are worth spending time on, and singing is one of them. Whether it’s Psalms or hymns or spiritual songs–or songs without words that allow you to exalt God–or songs with words that still bring honor and glory to Him with their heart–take the time to sing this Christmas season. Make the time to sing.

I grew up in a musical family, so music is everywhere around me. I don’t go anywhere without it. Singing is normal as breathing for me, and I know it may not be normal for others. But if you’ve never tried just singing for the joy of singing, you should. Just sing for God, so He can hear you. So what if you’re tone deaf? So what if your voice squeaks or you can’t carry a tune in a bucket? Know what? That doesn’t matter.

If you can get comfortable enough with God to sing for Him, you can be comfortable enough to talk to Him. And that’s part of what building a relationship is. The more time you spend with Him, the better you get to know Him. And then one day you’ll wake up and He’s your best friend.

But it probably won’t happen overnight, and it won’t happen by accident. It’s intentional. You have to let Him in. So stop fighting him, and take time to sing. What better time of year than Christmas? And if anyone complains about the racket you’re making, just sing louder. Maybe they’ll take the hint and start singing too.