Lonely chair on Jamaica Beach, Galveston, TX

Did God create us to live life alone?

Have you ever talked to a stranger and discovered you had more in common than you expected? I’m truly an introvert, so I don’t do extremely well in talking to people I don’t know. But I’ve had conversations on airplanes, in elevators–brief snatches of talk with waitresses in restaurants–and in those moments, I’ve been stunned at similarities or common points of view I’ve shared with them.

I really believe God brings people with like minds together without their knowledge frequently, and it’s up to us to figure out what we have in common. But the greatest and possibly most damaging lie our enemy whispers in our ears is that we are alone, that no one understands what it’s like to be you.

Lonely chair on Jamaica Beach, Galveston, TX

Lonely chair on Jamaica Beach, Galveston, TX

Today’s verses are Hebrews 10:24-25.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Why is it important to have community in our lives? I hear people ask that often. Why is community important? Well, why is it important to know you can trust your next-door neighbor? That’s an obvious question. You want to know that your next-door neighbor has your back, that he’s watching out for suspicious activity around your house, that he’ll be there to make sure your home doesn’t burn down if you’re on vacation.

Having a spiritual community is no different. No matter how independent you may be, you still need friends. You still need people around you to keep you on the right track, to steer you in the right direction, to smack you on the head if you twist off and try to do something stupid. Nobody is strong enough to make it through life alone, and God doesn’t expect you to.

If God thought you were strong enough to survive life alone He wouldn’t have made so many people around you.

Yesterday I got another opportunity to remember just how awesome God is at putting pieces together. I watched a room full of strangers–these people had never met each other before–find common ground and forge friendships in mere moments.

Why is that important? Why does it matter?

Well, how would it make you feel if you bravely explained your life to a room of strangers and they all looked at you like you’d sprouted another head?

Conversely, how would you feel if you did the same thing and two other people–people you don’t know–express that they’ve had your same experience, that they’ve shared your struggles, your fears, your failures? I don’t know about you, but finding people who’ve experienced what I’ve experienced makes me feel like I’m not a lost cause. If someone else knows what it’s like to live my life and they’ve survived, maybe there’s hope for me too.

That’s God’s power in community. He brings people together from all walks of life, people who should have nothing in common, and they discover they have everything in common. He brings us together to help each other through the hard times in life, to support each other and encourage each other when life gets hard.

No wonder Paul warns us not to avoid gathering together. Growing up I thought that was a passive aggressive way to make me feel guilty for not going to church every time the doors were open, but that’s not what it means. What it means is don’t shut God’s family out of your life. Don’t isolate yourself because you think you aren’t worthy or you think no one will understand you. I guarantee you’re wrong.

Someone else out there has experienced your same trouble. Someone else out there could benefit from learning what God has taught you.

Do you have a community? Do you have people in your life who hold you accountable, who pick you up when you fall down, who laugh when you laugh and cry when you cry? If you haven’t got one, look for one. Pray that God shows you where to find one, and He’ll open doors you didn’t even know existed.

We were never intended to live life alone. So stop trying.

School house window - Safe Haven Farm, Haven, KS

What friends are for

Do you ever feel the need to be alone? I’m not talking just getting away from people. Even the most extroverted person needs some quiet time every now and then. I mean alone, like you cut ties with everyone you knew. Alone, as in by yourself with no one around you.

Why is that? Why do some people feel the need to shut others out and try to shoulder their burdens by themselves? Well, I can’t speak for others, but I can speak for myself. I’m afraid that people will think I’m weak.

School house window - Safe Haven Farm, Haven, KS

School house window – Safe Haven Farm, Haven, KS

Today’s verses are 1 Kings 19:3-4.

Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.”

1 Kings 19 is an interesting chapter. It follows one of the most amazing Old Testament stories in the Bible, when Elijah challenged Queen Jezebel’s prophets of Baal to a contest to see who was real, Baal or God. Elijah called fire down, and the prophets of Baal just made idiots out of themselves. And all of Israel that had gathered there declared that God was the true God and that they would worship Him.

It was a high moment in Elijah’s life. But, of course, that made Queen Jezebel pretty angry, and she threatened to kill Elijah.

Whenever this story comes around, most folks will focus on the fact that Elijah crashes. After experiencing a mountaintop day with God, the next day, he crumbles into a useless heap in a cave and has a pity party.

Or people will talk about God asking Elijah what he’s doing there. Or people will focus on how God spoke to Elijah, not in the wind and not in the fire but in the still, small voice. But as I was reading this morning, something stood out to me that I’m not sure I’ve ever noticed before.

Verse 3, at the very beginning of the story, tells us that Elijah fled for his life and left his servant behind before he went on alone.

Maybe that’s not significant. But it popped out on the page at me today because I am constantly doing the same thing.

I live on a mountaintop pretty much. My life is amazing. I get to see God doing awesome things just about every day. But it’s not uncommon for me to take a tumble and have a bad day either. I’m human. And I’m emotional enough, no matter how much I don’t want to admit it, that I can end up pouting under a broom tree asking God to kill me.

And on those days, I don’t want anyone to see me like that. So I leave people behind and go off and figure out how to handle my emotional breakdowns all by myself.

Is that the right thing to do? I don’t really think so. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with taking quiet time to get your heart and your mind right. There’s nothing wrong with taking alone time so you and God can get right again. But that’s not what I’m talking about. And that’s not what Elijah did either.

Elijah didn’t want his servant to witness him being less than perfect. This is the same servant who got to see his master be bold and daring just days earlier. This is the same servant who not only got to see Elijah call fire down from heaven but also rain, after it hadn’t rained in three years.

Elijah knew he wasn’t living up to the expectations God had for him. Why else would he tell his servant to stay behind while he went on alone? Elijah wasn’t wandering off to get his head straight. He was going off to beat himself up, to tear himself down, to rip himself apart. And he was too proud to share his feelings with anyone else because he was afraid of what they would think of him.

Maybe I’m putting words in Elijah’s mouth. But that’s what I do.

I’m still working through this. I’ve always been a loner, the kind of person who has to fight through challenges and struggles on my own. But God is beginning to show me that being alone isn’t always the best thing. He’s given us friends for a reason, to keep us accountable, to make us laugh when we don’t even feel like smiling, to love us on the days when we really can’t stand ourselves.

The simple truth is that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, and refusing to be honest about that with other people will only hurt our relationships, even if you’re just trying to protect them from your screwups.

God didn’t allow Elijah to be alone. He sent an angel to take care of him. And after God was through talking to him, he sent Elijah on several tasks, ending with appointing a successor, Elisha. They traveled together, and Elisha never let Elijah out of his sight.

God’s given us friends for a reason. And I’m not talking about the fair-weather friends, the ones who are only with you on the good days. I’d be willing to be that everyone has a friend who would do anything for them, whether they know it or not. Those friends love you for who you are. And on those days when you feel like crawling into a cave and asking God to kill you, instead go to those friends and tell them what’s wrong. Let them listen, and don’t worry about what they think of you.

Most likely, they’ll just listen. And they’ll love you anyway. That’s what friends are for.